I break my heart well enough on my own
I can make myself feel worse
Without you having to say it
All the words do
Is confirm what I already know

My self-esteem is drop in the bucket
The sound that clangs hollow,
Not with the bells of Christmas
Or springtime weddings.

Just a lonely seashell
That has the squishy insides
Of a long forgotten friend
Long deceased and rotting within.
The shell is the most dazzling.
It has the iridescence of the moon,
The glint of the sun’s rays,
And the firm fragility of fine china.

The shell and its friend have seen the ocean floor,
Full of life, danger and mystery.
At least, that’s what Animal Planet says
At 3 am
Regaling facts in a monotone, scholarly English voice,
Telling the viewer about how the
Lowly hermit crab lives, grows and outgrows
Its shell, its home over time,
Leaving its husk to don and house another.

Is this all that life is?
Shedding one husk to gain another?
Religions tell you good works
And having a third leg between your
Two is what guarantees eternal salvation

I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me
I can’t wait to officially meet your husk
And you to meet mine,

I am afraid, it might be a bit of a let-down.
The husk has had a bit of a rough patch
And it may show in scars and dislocated
Vertebrae (but weekly gets put back
Into place).
A skeleton that aches and cracks
And deep within its depths,
behind tattooed skin, tissue and fat
Lies a heart that beats and quickens
With the thought,
When the thick velvet curtain rustles,
And a clear, “hello” penetrates the doom.
Waiting to hear it with real people’s ears
And hold it against lips,
Like real people hold their lover’s kiss

©️ Samantha Mae Sweeney 2023